


Restart-Sanders Sides AU

by Parker_28



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: A tiny bit of fluff, Agression, Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Bad Ending, Character Death, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Roller Coaster, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, I don't know where half of this came from, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insanity, Isolation, It went completely off the rails, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Instability, Multi, Murder, Please don't read if any of these tags trigger you, Police, Restraints, Sad Ending, Stabbing, Starvation, This entire fic is one big trigger warning, Unhappy Ending, Vomiting, but here we are, please read the tags, this went way down hill very fast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:42:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24760258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Parker_28/pseuds/Parker_28
Summary: Roman Prince was in love with three boys: Logan Berry, Virgil Storm, and Patton Heart. They all went to college together, living in a dorm and spending all their free time loving each other.But this story is not about that.This story is about the day Roman Prince had brain surgery. There were complications. When he woke up to his three beautiful boyfriends, he couldn't recognize them. He didn't know their names. He didn't know his own name.This one shot is very angsty. I honestly don't know where it came from, and it's very...out there. So, I thought 'why not share this with the people of AO3?' And here you go.Please PLEASE read the tags. Do not read if you are sensitive to death (murder and suicide), altered mental states, depression, anxiety, hospitals, and/or unhealthy isolation. Stay safe!
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33





	Restart-Sanders Sides AU

**Author's Note:**

> I'm saying this once again: READ THE TAGS.
> 
> Other than that, please enjoy this rollercoaster of a fic.

“-there was nothing we could do. The tumor was covering most of the frontal lobe. In order to keep him alive, there was some damage done during the procedure. It is most likely permanent. We don’t know how bad the memory loss will be until he wakes up,” the doctor said to the three college students. They were all clutching at each other, trying to listen to the doctor’s words through their muddled brains. The tallest of them nodded slowly.

“When-,” he choked back a sob. “When will he wake up?”

“Some time in the next few days. Visiting hours end shortly, so I suggest you spend as much time with him as possible.” They were all quick to follow the order. They entered the small room, closing the door behind them. Patton fell into the chair beside the bed, taking a limp hand into his own, and pressed a kiss onto the top of it. Virgil sat slowly at the foot of the bed, breathing quickly and clutching tightly at the sheets. Logan stood in the corner, head leaned against the wall and eyes closed. He couldn’t bear to look at the body in the cot.

"W-What are we going t-to do?” Patton sobbed loudly, falling forwards to rest his forehead lightly on the barely moving chest of their unconscious boyfriend. Neither of the two answered. They all cried as the minutes ticked by. Virgil eventually calmed himself enough to move closer to the boy and hold his other hand. Logan still hadn’t moved. When visiting hours were over, Virgil had to help Patton up. He’d passed out only minutes earlier. The two looked up at Logan.

"Come on, we have to go,” Patton said groggily, reaching out a hand to their nerdy boyfriend. Logan jerked away from the touch, finally opening his eyes. They were blown wide with stress and absolute terror. Patton placed a hand over his mouth and sobbed. Virgil begged Logan to follow them. He did.

They slept in Roman’s room that night. They were all wrapped together on top of his unmade bed. No one slept at all. Even Patton, who’d nearly passed out from the exhaustion of the day kept himself awake with his shivering. They all cried on and off, taking turns comforting each other. It was strange to see Logan in such a vulnerable state, but no one wanted to talk about it.

When an alarm went off hours later, they all jumped. Virgil sat up to turn it off. It was six o’clock in the morning. This was the time Roman would normally get up for classes. The three got up and sat in the living room. No one spoke. There was nothing to say. No one ate. There was no reason to. They weren’t hungry.

When Logan said the hospital was opening for visiting hours in twenty minutes, they all walked to their car. A few people gave them weird looks as they passed. They probably looked like shit. But they didn’t care.

They walked up to the front desk and Virgil signed them in on a visiting sheet. Patton was already crying. They sat in Roman’s room with him for a while, not doing or saying anything. Patton had stopped crying and was just watching the art student’s face. A few doctors came in once in a while. No one stayed for long or tried to talk to them. They wouldn’t answer anyway.

It wasn’t until three days later. They were in the room again, silent as always. None of them had showered or slept or eaten anything but a granola bar one of the doctors made them eat. Logan was sitting on the floor, head in his hands when he heard a groan of pain. Immediately, all their eyes shot up and over to Roman. Virgil ran around the bed frantically, trying to get to Roman’s side. Logan scrambled up, nearly tripping over his own feet as he rose and sprinted to the beside. The three clutched at Roman’s hand.

His face scrunched up under the oxygen mask. His eyes squinted and fluttered a few times before finally widening enough to stay open. The three students didn’t breathe, waiting in anticipation as their boyfriend stirred.

“Ung,” he voiced, throwing his head back and forth. He settled in looking up at the ceiling. “What?” he muttered under his breath. He looked to his side and visibly jumped when he saw three people that were definitely not doctors crowding his bed. His brain shouted at him that he knew these people, but only for about half a second. He’d never met these people in his life. His life. His life? What happened? Who was he? Where was he?

“Roman?” one of the boys asked him, a tiny sliver of hope in his eyes. It diminished when the boy in the bed looked around in confusion.

“Who? Who’ ‘oman?” he slurred, looking around at the three strangers.

“Y-You,” one of them begged, starting to cry. “You’re R-Roman.”

“Wha-no. I’m…who am I?”

“Your name is Roman Prince,” the tallest one said in a tiny voice. He pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose, never breaking eye contact.

“My…name? Roman?” he tried to sit up but found that he’d lost a lot of strength in…whatever happened. The nerdy-looking one that had told him ‘his’ name stepped forward to raise the head of the cot so he could sit up. He then clicked a small red button above his head.

A moment later, a doctor ran in. Her face shifted from worry to relief. “Hello, glad to see you’re awake. Can you tell me your name and age?” she asked, reaching for her stethoscope. The boy looked confused.

“He…he told me Roman…Roman something-starting-with-a-‘P’,” he answered. “How old am I?” he finished. One of the strangers next to him sobbed. He was growing a little uncomfortable with their presence.

The doctor winced, “Sir, your name is Roman Prince. You are twenty-three years old. You’re an orphaned college student. These three men are your friends and roommates,” she gestured to the strangers. Oh, that made sense.

“Oh, okay,” he replied, unsure of what else he could say to make the situation better.

“I’ll give you some time alone while I prepare for some tests,” she excused herself from the room. Roman turned to the others who were all crying now.

“So, you’re my friends? Nice to meet you- or, wait, no.” But it was too late. One of them, the second glasses-wearing one, had burst into tears, leaning into the arms of the emo.

“My name is Logan,” the nerd said. “And no, technically we are not your friends,” Roman felt pretty skeptical at that. “We are your boyfriends.”

Oh. Oh shit. That made everything even worse. He looked over at the sobbing boy with a newfound understanding. These people were in love with him. And he them. Oh, dear lord, what does he do?

“Oh, um, okay,” he mumbled, “W-what’s your name?” he asked, generally directed at the two others. The crying one just sobs harder, so the emo looks up at Roman. He can’t hold back a wince at the look on his face. His eyes hold so much pain that Roman can only imagine experiencing.

“I’m Virgil,” his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “This is Patton,” he looked down at the crying boy in his arms.

“Logan. Virgil. Patton,” he said under his breath. He closed his eyes. “Logan. Virgil. Patton. Logan. Virgil. Patton. Logan Virgil Patton loganvirgilpattonloganvirgilpatton.”

“What are you doing?” the crying b- Patton asked.

“Well, obviously you three mean a lot to me. I don’t want to forget you…again,” he said with a sad smile. Patton burst into tears once more and Roman opened his arms. The boy immediately fell into the embrace, hugging Roman as tight as he could. And it felt right. It felt so familiar, so him, so right, so perfect.

“Patton Heart,” he mumbled into his hair.

“What?” he breathed after shooting away from Roman. All their eyes were wide.

“What?” Roman responded. “I just said your name…?”

"I…I never told you m-my last name,” he said even quieter than before. Silence fell on the room. Roman pondered this, thinking hard. He shut his eyes tight. He could hear excited chatter around him, but he blocked it out as best he could, focusing on trying to surface memories. Any memories at all.

“Patton Hart. Logan…Logan reh…weh…nuh…see…mee…bee,” he searched and searched, trying to find something to grasp onto. “Logan be..tuh…muh…ruh..ree?”

“You can do it,” a small voice prompted him. Roman smiled a little, feeling even more determined than before. He was so close. He could feel it.

“It…it starts with a ‘B’. I know it,” he said, not even listening to the answer he got from one of them. He just had to say it out loud to lock it in his memory. B. Ba. No. Buh. No. Be…beh…yeah, beh. Behm…Beht… Behr-yeah! Ber-something. It was almost there! “Ber…,” he said, scrunching up his face in concentration. He knew it! It was right there!

“You’re almost there, Ro. You’ve got it, we believe in you,” the kind voice gave him the last bit of push he needed. Behrroh…Berrah…Berreh. Berreih. Berry? Berry!

“Berry! Logan Berry!” he yelled, eyes flying open. Arms wrapped around him and people were sobbing and laughing and praising him. He laughed, too. He was so proud of himself.

They stepped back. Logan and Patton were ugly crying with huge smiles on their faces. Virgil was happy, too. But Roman could see the tiny bit of anxiety behind his eyes. “That was so good, Roman. You’re so good, hun. It’s okay if you can’t get mine, you got Pat’s and L’s. That’s an amazing st-.”

“It ends with an ‘M’. Right?” Roman cut him off with a dopey grin. That seemed to spark something in Virgil, because in the blink of an eye, he was sobbing into Roman’s shoulder. Roman laughed and rubbed his…boyfriend’s back. Yeah. Boyfriend. That felt right.

“It’s r…t…s…yeah, ess-something-em,” he grinned. “S…sr…sp…sw…sn…st…sta…ste…sto,” he paused, looking up at Virgil. He had such an elated smile on his face. Roman closed his eyes again, determined to find it. “St…stuh…stoh…stohm…no, something missing. Stoh…n…p…c… stohr? Stor! Storm! It’s Storm, Virgil Storm!” he screamed joyfully, looking up at a sobbing Virgil. They hugged again, laughing loudly.

“What’s going on in here?” a doctor, someone different from before came in with a slightly annoyed look on their face. Upon seeing Roman’s face, however, their irritation melted away. “Woah. You’re the brain surgery patient,” they said. Roman’s smile faded. He looked over at the others.

“I had brain surgery?” Logan nodded.

“You…had a tumor in your brain. They had to perform surgery.” Roman reached up to feel around his head. There were bandages covering most of the area, but the places that had no dressings were barren on any hair.

“Did I have hair before?” he asked. All three of them winced and nodded. “Can…do you have a picture or something?” he asked. Patton lit up and pulled a polaroid out of his wallet. Roman took it and looked at it for a long time. It was the four of them. They were in some sort of park it looked like. There were beautiful cherry trees behind them. The four had their arms around each other. Virgil was squished between Logan and Roman, the latter of which was holding him close. Roman’s other arm was hung around Patton’s shoulders. Patton was also kissing Roman’s cheek and his hand was extended, probably holding the camera. It was a beautiful picture.

"Wow,” he breathed, looked up at his smiling boyfriends, “Where are we in this?” he looked back down. Patton giggled a little and pointed at a tiny sliver of a building.

“We’re on campus, actually. That building behind me is the theatre. You love it so much,” he smiled sadly at Roman.

“I do?” the other three nodded.

“Oh, definitely,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes. “You are the most dramatic person I’ve ever met. I don’t know how I put up with your bullshit,” he laughed fondly. Roman grinned back, yawning soon after.

The doctor came in a second later, “Alright, Mr. Prince. I have a few tests lined up for you in about an hour. You should probably take this time to recover more memories or sleep,” she informed him. He nodded, trying to stifle another yawn. His boyfriends laughed and clutched his hand tightly.

“You can rest, Roman,” Patton said.

“We’ll be here when you wake up,” Virgil added.

After Logan nodded, agreeing, Roman shut his eyes and fell into a shallow sleep.

Indeed, the three boys kept their promise to Roman. When he stirred, they smiled, ready to greet their boyfriend with love and enthusiasm. When he looked at them with a confused and slightly scared expression, they all felt their hearts sink to the floor. When he asked who they were, Patton lost it. Roman was looking more and more uncomfortable as the seconds passed. Logan winced, holding back his own tears. He informed him that they were his boyfriends, but Roman told them that he’d never met them in his life. He said that he wasn’t gay, that it was a sin. They had tried to argue with him, but he grew angrier the more they told him. After only a minute of trying to convince him, Roman was thrashing in the bed, screaming at them to go away. That broke them. By the time the doctors came inside to sedate Roman, the three of them were in tears. The woman from earlier asked what happened. Only Logan could speak at that point. Patton’s heart was shattered, and Virgil’s anxiety was sky high in response to Roman’s hostility. The doctor apologized and explained to them that sometimes patients do relapse like this. When Logan asked if Roman would ever be the same again, the doctor just frowned sadly and shook her head, answering honestly that she didn’t know. Patton passed out from exhaustion.

The next time Roman woke up, he smiled at the three. He asked why they were so sad. When he addressed Virgil by name, their hopes immediately went up. He could also remember Patton’s name, they found out. But he seemed to ignore Logan for some reason. Whenever the nerd spoke, Roman either didn’t answer or didn’t look at him. It broke his heart. When Patton asked why he was ignoring Logan, Roman asked what he was talking about. Long story short, there was more aggression, more fighting, and more screaming. He hit Patton. He’d been sedated again. There were restraints tied onto his wrists, and the three watched with mixed feelings.

Roman woke up again with a huge grin. He told the boys that he recognized them but didn’t know their names. He’d asked if he’d seen them somewhere before. Patton was in the middle of answering when Roman tried to move his hand. He looked down to find restrains there, and his eyes filled with tears. He asked what happened to him, what did he do, why were there restraints? Logan answered this time, truthfully. Roman cried a little and apologized, promising he would never hurt someone. Patton absently rubbed against the black bruising on his side. Logan told Roman that the doctors didn’t want to take any chances. Roman cried himself to sleep after visiting hours.

The next morning, the three woke up in their separate rooms. They all met up in the kitchen and forced themselves to eat. After that, they all headed for the hospital. When they went into Roman’s room, they found him awake, watching TV. He asked who they were, listening to their introductions. After they were done explaining, Roman looked directly at Virgil. He told him that he wanted Virgil to leave. After a moment of quiet arguing, Roman yelled about how much he hated Virgil and how he never wanted to see the boy again. The emo was crying hard, but he told the two to stay with Roman while he went back to the dorm.

When Logan and Patton got back, they immediately wanted to barf. The sickening smell of blood was wafting through the apartment. Logan ventured farther in, the pungent smell worsening. He got to the bathroom, finding the door locked. He kicked it a few times until it flew open. When he saw the body, he immediately fell to the toilet and vomited. He looked at the blood pooling all over the floor, the limp hand next to the razor and broken pencil sharpener. Logan knew that he was dead.

When Logan and Patton went into the hospital a week later, neither was smiling. Patton felt like he wanted to throw up and Logan just wanted to be alone and wallow in his self-pity. Roman didn’t remember them. Of course, he didn’t. He wouldn’t listen to them either. Patton left without another word. Logan tried once more, but Roman ignored him. He left, too.

Patton was gone. Logan had woken up and found a note in the kitchen signed in Patton’s flowy handwriting. He cried for a while. He knew Patton would be okay in his home town, he probably needed to be with his parents right now. Logan ventured alone. Roman listened to him today. He cried with him, although not for the reason Roman thought. Logan didn’t tell him about Patton or Virgil. He even got a kiss from his boyfriend. It hurt more than it was supposed to.

Logan stopped going to the hospital. They’d called him a few times, but he stopped picking up, too. Virgil’s phone had rung a few times last week, but then it died. Logan left it where it was on the counter. Logan didn’t go to classes, either. His teachers were all contacting him, telling him that he could no longer come to their classes due to the periodic absences. Logan stopped opening the letters. He knew he’d be evicted soon. He ate the rest of the food in the house after the first week. He didn’t leave to get more. After a few days of going hungry, he gave in. He pulled on Virgil’s old hoodie. There were a few blood stains on it that they couldn’t get out. He hoped they weren’t noticeable. He only bought what he knew he needed. He didn’t speak to anyone. Someone recognized him and he turned the other way immediately. When he got back to the dorm, he locked the door and fell against it, promising himself that he’d never leave again. Someone knocked on the door at some point, he thought. It didn’t matter. He sat on Roman’s bed, on Patton’s bed, then on Virgil’s and finally his own. He stopped going into their rooms. He stopped leaving his. He didn’t think anymore. He didn’t feel anymore. Nothing was the same. Logan knew he wasn’t okay, but he couldn’t bring himself to think about it. At noon every day, he would come out of his room for a minute to get some water and maybe a bit of food. Everything was expired by then, but it was food, wasn’t it?

One day, someone knocked on the door while Logan was drinking his daily glass of water. He simply walked over to the counter and pulled a large knife from the holder. Patton had used these knives for cooking eccentric meals for the four of them every night. Logan felt nothing. He shed Virgil’s jacket, letting the dead man’s most valued possession fall to the dirty floor. He felt nothing. He placed a hand on the doorknob, thinking about how many times he’d gone to visit Roman. Roman, the amazing man that Logan…. He felt nothing.

He opened the door to find the landlord standing with crossed arms and a glare. The angry look immediately vanished when he saw Logan. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could get anything out, Logan had plunged the knife into his chest, right into the heart. He twisted the blade and watched the blood pour out from the limp body. Logan felt nothing. He walked down the hall and ignored the screaming students. He heard sirens and a minute later, he was cuffed and forced into the back of a police cruiser.

Most of the time, he was blacked out. In the interrogation room, the only thing he said was that he killed the landlord. He wouldn’t answer any of the other questions. When he was in the courtroom, he wouldn’t answer anything the judge asked him. He woke up later in a small white padded room. He looked down at himself to see white pants and a white straight jacket. He sighed and sat back against the cushy wall. He didn’t feel anything. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. 
> 
> (not really)


End file.
